well, damn.

I hate sounding whiny. I really really hate to bitch, moan, and complain about things that happen in my life, especially things that concern TPTB. But I’m going to do a wee bit of the aforementioned anyway. You have been warned.

A few of you know about my problems with the alfar. I won’t go too deeply into it, for fear of boring everyone, but lately I’ve been wanting to lay the problem in it’s grave. It occurred to me that the Alf might have real reason to be pissed at me, despite my total lack of memory on the subject. So I got out the pendulum and asked Loki if I had, in truth, met this alf. He said that I had. When did this occur? Was it when I was a child running in the woods? Not then. Was it when I was an older child, running in a different wood? Yes. But I don’t remember! I wailed. It happened, Loki said.

I gave it some thought. Yes, I should have done this before, but I was so sure that I hadn’t met anyone that I didn’t consider the other times when my memories and emotions had been tampered with.  I presume that this is one more example. At that age I was looking for a teacher, and if one had appeared I would have been thrilled. I certainly wouldn’t have spurned any offer of instruction, and I was totally innocent of any knowledge about the fae. They could have asked me for just about anything and I would have been on it like a duck on a June bug. Fifty years later, I shudder to imagine what they could have talked me into.

In fact, right now my stomach is roiled by the thought of what I might have promised.

So, Someone decided to remove that encounter from my conscious memory. Ensuring that later down the road I’d be in deep kimchi with the fae, totally sure that it was a misunderstanding at best and an outright lie at worst. Why not interfere before the encounter, if that Someone had my best interests at heart? Why not stop me before I made rash promises?  Is it the same Someone who erased the memory of the spell I decided to attempt, yet left me the conversation that led up to the erasure? Who the fuck IS this?

And why won’t anyone tell me who it is?

Now I have to make amends without committing myself to something I find distasteful. I have to admit that the Alfar have reason to be angry with me. Damn I hate to be in the wrong!

Advertisements

I’m Baack!

Sorry for the long hiatus! We arrived here in gorgeous green Oregon the beginning of April, and immediately set about searching for a purchasing a new rv. Since it’s our home, we spent a whole day looking at toy haulers and fifth wheels, and finally made our choice. We purchased a 2017 Spartan toy hauler, a 1434X to be precise. It’s 41 ft long, which makes it 6 ft longer than our Cameo. But it has a nice bedroom with separate closets, a separate bathroom with his and hers medicine cabinets, a kitchen with a real panty and big refrigerator , and the microwave is low enough for me to see inside, a big island with room for my pots and pans, a fireplace, and in the garage I have a stacked washer and dryer! Whee!

At the moment I also have a number of boxes that need somewhere for their contents to go, and outside I have two shelving units to assemble and position before I can empty said boxes and get them out of the way.  and one half of a cat door installed. This has been a wearing shake-down cruise, and for a brand new unit it has problems. The fridge leaks, the vent in the garage opens but doesn’t turn on, there’s an intermittent tapping noise from the wall behind the pantry, and the DVD player keeps telling us to set the park brake and won’t let Wayne watch any dvds until he does so. Of course, this unit doesn’t HAVE a park brake, so the company said that it’s been miswired. Have to get that fixed. And the water pump isn’t working. When they delivered the unit they scraped the bottom on a dip in the road, and cracked the hitch cover as well. So we have to bring it in on 26 June for a few days to get all the problems fixed. That means I have to find a pet friendly place for us to stay for a week.

We’re also in the throes of buying a used diesel truck to pull it, our Chevy 3500 being gas and not rated for this heavy a load. So yah, we’re up to our chins in debt again. But we’ll pay it off in 5 years, with some economy. That’s my mundane life right now.

Magically speaking, I’m assuring the deities I’ve promised a separate shrine to that it will happen just as soon as everything is cleared away and in its place, so I have room to decide where to site the shrines. Bast has graciously allowed me twice to visit with my beloved Hai Qui, for which I am grateful. Everyone else has been quiet. I’ve decided to try to find a mediator to resolve this problem I have with the fae – I don’t want to escalate this into open warfare by returning their attacks, but I also don’t want to let them continue to try to destroy me. Mostly, I just want peace between us. I’ve enlisted the aid of Bth Wodanis, for advice and readings, and she steered me to Elizabeth Vongvisith, who did a rune reading and made some suggestions.  One of which was to make nice with my Disir, who would be able to mediate for me. I am reluctant to bring out the Big Guns (deities) unless this fails. So I’m going to make a small shrine for them, offer something homey, and try to get their help before I put out a peace offering in a park for the fae I’ve offended.  I really think that agreeing to work with them would be a mistake – I’m too prone to speak my mind, and they’re too prone to take offense where none is meant. This whole mediation thing should be interesting.

Scratch That Itch!

I am consumed with curiosity, and hope that our followers will help me out here.

How did you find this blog? What do you hope to learn from this? What are you curious about?

As you can tell, we tend to ramble on about whatever takes our fancy, or catches our attention, or is happening in our lives.  Sometimes things like the flu striking our families will keep us offline for weeks. Or we just don’t feel the need to write. Or we don’t know what to write about.

I thought, when we first got the order to begin this blog, that the deities were going to use it to speak to anyone who was following us. Ha! Just goes to show how wrong I am about that! Only occasionally do the deities seem to have anything to say.  I sure hope that things start moving again. I’m tired of the calm and quiet!

You fear it for a reason

A short while ago I wrote a post about writing what you fear. High on my list was the fae. I thought I’d see if anything had changed vis a vis me and them.

Took down the iron troll cross at my front door, and took down my fae specific wards. In a few days they found me and things began to happen.

At first it was innocuous – the black streaks that moved around the living area. Walking outside I was accompanied by something approximately knee high that had a metallic chirping noise – if it was trying to talk to me I couldn’t understand it, but I talked back. Then the faucet on the Britta turned on during the night and I got up to find the dish pan full and overflowing into the sink – thankfully it wasn’t turned onto the counter! Good joke – just letting you know they’re around – so far so good.

Then one morning I got up to find the water glass by the bed had been contaminated with something that looked like blood. I leave a full glass of water there in case I want a drink, but that night I slept right through. Good thing – I can’t imagine how icky it would have been to gulp that nauseating mess down! That fell into a whole different category from light hearted pranks. That was a warning and an attack.

A few days later I woke up feeling a little odd. That’s the first and usually only warning sign of being tampered with. Later that day I developed a tooth ache. It built over the course of a couple days into a raging pain that even an 800 mg Motrin couldn’t keep at bay for long. I couldn’t get in right away to see a dentist, either. One night the pain was so bad I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up asking Loki for some relief. The pain would diminish and then return as bad as ever.  Finally, around 0300, it occurred to me that I should ward myself. By 0330 the pain had subsided to the point I could go to bed and sleep.

When I got up that morning I immediately rehung the troll cross and reworked my wards, banishing all fae from my area. Over the next 2 days the toothache kept getting better, and today it is finally gone completely.  It’s funny but a psychic attack is generally the last thing we think of when something happens. From now on it’s going to be second, if not first, on my list.

I had asked Beth for a reading on the situation, which she wasn’t able to get to immediately because she, too, had a toothache! Hmmm! But when she did feel able to do a reading for me, and one on Freya as well, the cards were not propitious. Needless to say, I stopped offering to Freya and Freyr, removed everything with their energies from my abode, and added another layer of protections against the Aesir (excepting Loki), the Vanir, and the fae in general.  After that, I’ve had no further problems.

I had also asked my friend here on the blog for some insight, and she got a communique from Loki telling me that I had endangered not just myself but my husband (I was counting on Loki to keep him safe – lol) and that I can detail my wards to allow in only those I wanted in. Which I did. If anyone wants in they’ll have to contact Loki and he’ll contact me for a decision.  I took down the protections because I wanted to see if the relationship could be repaired, to experiment and learn. I discovered that Freya isn’t the fair and just goddess I thought she was, and that she is willing to help her allies without finding out the whole story. That was a disappointment.  So, the experiment was a success and I definitely learned something useful.

I’m going to make a charm for my husband, with two layers. One is an obfuscation spell, so that he isn’t noticed or remembered, and the other is a calming, non-aggression, and friendly feeling spell, ten foot radius. The obfuscation spell will automatically kick in as soon as he leaves a building while the other will be in effect all the time. I don’t mind putting myself into dangerous situations but I definitely don’t want my husband or our cat harmed because of it.

How about that! They really DO listen to us!

Now that the insanity that is the holidays is behind us, we can return to the questionable normal tenor of our lives – looking for jobs, homes, information, reasons, etc.

I took down the iron troll’s cross that hung by my front door, just to see what would happen. It  didn’t take more than a few days before I began to see the darting black shapes out of the corner of the eye, although my cat remains unperturbed. Could it merely be a symptom of the cataracts that now plague me? I should be so lucky!

Going outside one day I walked around my fiver accompanied by not just the cat but something that made a metallic chirping noise. It sounded to be about knee high and as insects don’t normally follow me around I ruled that out. The weather here has been brrr cold at night, and in the 40s during the day, and insects are few in the winter, so I think I can safely say it wasn’t a bug. The grass is dead and very short as well. Someone trying to talk to me? Perhaps, but I couldn’t make out what was being said.

On New Years Eve we managed to stay up – my husband watching tv and me reading a book, until it was officially 01 January. Cat got me up at 0 dark hundred thirtyish as usual, and I dragged myself into the kitchen area to let him out. Turning on the light, I noticed that the faucet for the Britta was running and the dish pan was overflowing into the sink. I shut it off, puzzled. Had my husband turned it on and forgot it? Not really likely, but we were tired when we went to bed. Thankfully it was over the dish pan and not pointed at the counter!!! I went back to bed, and when I got up that morning he greeted me with a question as to why I had filled the dish pan to the brim – and I explained. He didn’t turn it on – and you must physically push a lever up for it to work – and I didn’t either. It never did that before that occasion and hasn’t done it since.

I’m a slow learner.

It’s taken me this long to come to grips with the way TPTB teach lessons. I kept expecting formal classes, but that’s not how it works. Life itself is the classroom, and the classes appear to be informal and unannounced. They pounce on you from around corners that you never knew existed. And it’s usually not until later that I realize – if I realize at all – that I just got schooled. I’m stubborn and won’t listen, and insist that things should conform to what I think they should be, and so I progress at a snail’s pace. Sometimes, it’s a dead snail’s pace. I have learned to duck those cosmic 2x4s, though!

And I’ve recently had an example of how TPTB listen to what I’m saying when I make offerings or just mouth off/day dream.

We live in an rv – a fifth wheel to be precise – that we bought new in ’03, so it’s getting on in years. It’s not well insulated, and it is missing things we’ve come to yearn for in a fiver. Wayne wants a larger residential style refrigerator. I want a washer/dryer. I HATE having to go to a laundromat! Especially in the winter. There isn’t much storage space, either. And while our all-around fix-it guy has kept it in very good condition, we agree that it won’t last much longer, especially with the amount of miles we travel yearly. So the great rv search began!

Originally I concentrated on getting another fiver. We have a truck, although it too is old, but still valiantly serving as the reliable steed. Much like a Suffolk Punch, it gets us from Point A to Point B without fuss. And much like a Suffolk Punch, it’s hard for me to climb into the saddle, and I rappel out. But looking at the prices of Class A models it was obvious that we would have to either get a very old one or go into massive debt, and I’m not willing to do that. Fivers, not having motors and transmissions, are easily $100k cheaper. So I talked to TPTB and explained all that, not expecting an answer or even an acknowledgment from them.

Last Tuesday I had an appointment in town, and when I came out of it and started the truck the check engine oil light came on. It only comes on when the oil level is almost down to nothing, so I knew I had to add oil ASAP. Truck is very big and I can’t easily reach into it to add anything, and the oil was in the bed out of reach. Hoping that our fix-it guy was at his shop, I drove the couple of miles there, and luck was with me. Or so I thought it was luck at the time.  He took care of the oil problem, and then I noticed a Class A outside his shop. It is a thing of beauty – a Monaco Windsor diesel pusher easily 40ft long. He has to fix the awning and the owner has it up for sale, having already bought a replacement. He showed me around and while not perfect it has our wants covered. Big fridge? Check. Washer/dryer? Check. It’s the same age as our truck – an ’01 – but in great condition. Only 100k miles. We have 3 times that on the truck. And the owner is asking $38k. The fiver I had my heart set on is $46k.

We aren’t wealthy. Putting my Social Security check towards the monthly payment, it will take us close to 4 years to pay it off. I hate borrowing money. I hate being in debt. But we have to have somewhere to live, and be able to get from job to job, and this coach will work very well for us. I had no intention of stopping by the shop that day, and without the goad of the engine oil light I wouldn’t have done so. And wouldn’t have seen the coach.  So, thanks for listening, guys! And thanks for the help!

Write What You Fear

I’ve just began to read Morgan Daimler’s books, based on a recommendation from a friend. So far they look very interesting. I’ve gotten one on the Morrigan, and I’m waiting for her book on Fairy Queens. I also got Fairy Witchcraft and FairyCraft.

Let me be honest -I’m afraid of the fae. Be they Sidhe or Ljossalfar, I’m scared to death of them. I once got on the wrong side of some by refusing to let them into my life and it took divine intervention to get rid of them. Approaching them appears to be clear insanity to me. Even considering it gives me chills and a shiver down the spine.

But I’m afraid of other things, too. I’m afraid of Lucifer, although I don’t have any conscious recollection of ever interacting with him, or even meeting him. It’s a carry over from Christianity, of course, and I’m trying to get away from it. There’s a serious dearth of solid information written about him by those not biased by Christianity, though, so it’s hard to come by anything to help my phobia.

I should be far more afraid of deities than I am, and I know that someday that’s going to bite me in the ass. I don’t know why I have such a nonchalant attitude towards something that can squish me like a bug, but I do. Reckless bravado, anyone?

 

 

Marshmallow Wicca

Wicca seems to be afraid of the Dark Goddess.

Oh, they give Her lip service. They talk about balance, and the need for Darkness and Light, but have you noticed that all their worship tends to the former and barely touches the latter?

They only acknowledge Her during this season. And then it’s mostly ancestor worship. The Wild Hunt slips by them with barely a glance into the sky.  And Dark Gods are equally shunned.

Still stuck in that Dark Is Bad mindset?

Balance would be recognizing both and not just the one. The Dark is with us all year, and so is Light.  Death happens in every season.

Wrapping Mary in a pentagram seems to be their idea of the Goddess. Marshmallow Wicca – soft, gooey, and too sweet to really get your teeth into. One dimensional deities.

‘My goddess would never become enraged!’ ‘My god would never mislead me!’ ‘My deities are always kind and good!’  Who the hell are you worshiping – SpongeBob Square Pants?