Scratch That Itch!

I am consumed with curiosity, and hope that our followers will help me out here.

How did you find this blog? What do you hope to learn from this? What are you curious about?

As you can tell, we tend to ramble on about whatever takes our fancy, or catches our attention, or is happening in our lives.  Sometimes things like the flu striking our families will keep us offline for weeks. Or we just don’t feel the need to write. Or we don’t know what to write about.

I thought, when we first got the order to begin this blog, that the deities were going to use it to speak to anyone who was following us. Ha! Just goes to show how wrong I am about that! Only occasionally do the deities seem to have anything to say.  I sure hope that things start moving again. I’m tired of the calm and quiet!


You fear it for a reason

A short while ago I wrote a post about writing what you fear. High on my list was the fae. I thought I’d see if anything had changed vis a vis me and them.

Took down the iron troll cross at my front door, and took down my fae specific wards. In a few days they found me and things began to happen.

At first it was innocuous – the black streaks that moved around the living area. Walking outside I was accompanied by something approximately knee high that had a metallic chirping noise – if it was trying to talk to me I couldn’t understand it, but I talked back. Then the faucet on the Britta turned on during the night and I got up to find the dish pan full and overflowing into the sink – thankfully it wasn’t turned onto the counter! Good joke – just letting you know they’re around – so far so good.

Then one morning I got up to find the water glass by the bed had been contaminated with something that looked like blood. I leave a full glass of water there in case I want a drink, but that night I slept right through. Good thing – I can’t imagine how icky it would have been to gulp that nauseating mess down! That fell into a whole different category from light hearted pranks. That was a warning and an attack.

A few days later I woke up feeling a little odd. That’s the first and usually only warning sign of being tampered with. Later that day I developed a tooth ache. It built over the course of a couple days into a raging pain that even an 800 mg Motrin couldn’t keep at bay for long. I couldn’t get in right away to see a dentist, either. One night the pain was so bad I couldn’t sleep so I stayed up asking Loki for some relief. The pain would diminish and then return as bad as ever.  Finally, around 0300, it occurred to me that I should ward myself. By 0330 the pain had subsided to the point I could go to bed and sleep.

When I got up that morning I immediately rehung the troll cross and reworked my wards, banishing all fae from my area. Over the next 2 days the toothache kept getting better, and today it is finally gone completely.  It’s funny but a psychic attack is generally the last thing we think of when something happens. From now on it’s going to be second, if not first, on my list.

I had asked Beth for a reading on the situation, which she wasn’t able to get to immediately because she, too, had a toothache! Hmmm! But when she did feel able to do a reading for me, and one on Freya as well, the cards were not propitious. Needless to say, I stopped offering to Freya and Freyr, removed everything with their energies from my abode, and added another layer of protections against the Aesir (excepting Loki), the Vanir, and the fae in general.  After that, I’ve had no further problems.

I had also asked my friend here on the blog for some insight, and she got a communique from Loki telling me that I had endangered not just myself but my husband (I was counting on Loki to keep him safe – lol) and that I can detail my wards to allow in only those I wanted in. Which I did. If anyone wants in they’ll have to contact Loki and he’ll contact me for a decision.  I took down the protections because I wanted to see if the relationship could be repaired, to experiment and learn. I discovered that Freya isn’t the fair and just goddess I thought she was, and that she is willing to help her allies without finding out the whole story. That was a disappointment.  So, the experiment was a success and I definitely learned something useful.

I’m going to make a charm for my husband, with two layers. One is an obfuscation spell, so that he isn’t noticed or remembered, and the other is a calming, non-aggression, and friendly feeling spell, ten foot radius. The obfuscation spell will automatically kick in as soon as he leaves a building while the other will be in effect all the time. I don’t mind putting myself into dangerous situations but I definitely don’t want my husband or our cat harmed because of it.

How about that! They really DO listen to us!

Now that the insanity that is the holidays is behind us, we can return to the questionable normal tenor of our lives – looking for jobs, homes, information, reasons, etc.

I took down the iron troll’s cross that hung by my front door, just to see what would happen. It  didn’t take more than a few days before I began to see the darting black shapes out of the corner of the eye, although my cat remains unperturbed. Could it merely be a symptom of the cataracts that now plague me? I should be so lucky!

Going outside one day I walked around my fiver accompanied by not just the cat but something that made a metallic chirping noise. It sounded to be about knee high and as insects don’t normally follow me around I ruled that out. The weather here has been brrr cold at night, and in the 40s during the day, and insects are few in the winter, so I think I can safely say it wasn’t a bug. The grass is dead and very short as well. Someone trying to talk to me? Perhaps, but I couldn’t make out what was being said.

On New Years Eve we managed to stay up – my husband watching tv and me reading a book, until it was officially 01 January. Cat got me up at 0 dark hundred thirtyish as usual, and I dragged myself into the kitchen area to let him out. Turning on the light, I noticed that the faucet for the Britta was running and the dish pan was overflowing into the sink. I shut it off, puzzled. Had my husband turned it on and forgot it? Not really likely, but we were tired when we went to bed. Thankfully it was over the dish pan and not pointed at the counter!!! I went back to bed, and when I got up that morning he greeted me with a question as to why I had filled the dish pan to the brim – and I explained. He didn’t turn it on – and you must physically push a lever up for it to work – and I didn’t either. It never did that before that occasion and hasn’t done it since.

I’m a slow learner.

It’s taken me this long to come to grips with the way TPTB teach lessons. I kept expecting formal classes, but that’s not how it works. Life itself is the classroom, and the classes appear to be informal and unannounced. They pounce on you from around corners that you never knew existed. And it’s usually not until later that I realize – if I realize at all – that I just got schooled. I’m stubborn and won’t listen, and insist that things should conform to what I think they should be, and so I progress at a snail’s pace. Sometimes, it’s a dead snail’s pace. I have learned to duck those cosmic 2x4s, though!

And I’ve recently had an example of how TPTB listen to what I’m saying when I make offerings or just mouth off/day dream.

We live in an rv – a fifth wheel to be precise – that we bought new in ’03, so it’s getting on in years. It’s not well insulated, and it is missing things we’ve come to yearn for in a fiver. Wayne wants a larger residential style refrigerator. I want a washer/dryer. I HATE having to go to a laundromat! Especially in the winter. There isn’t much storage space, either. And while our all-around fix-it guy has kept it in very good condition, we agree that it won’t last much longer, especially with the amount of miles we travel yearly. So the great rv search began!

Originally I concentrated on getting another fiver. We have a truck, although it too is old, but still valiantly serving as the reliable steed. Much like a Suffolk Punch, it gets us from Point A to Point B without fuss. And much like a Suffolk Punch, it’s hard for me to climb into the saddle, and I rappel out. But looking at the prices of Class A models it was obvious that we would have to either get a very old one or go into massive debt, and I’m not willing to do that. Fivers, not having motors and transmissions, are easily $100k cheaper. So I talked to TPTB and explained all that, not expecting an answer or even an acknowledgment from them.

Last Tuesday I had an appointment in town, and when I came out of it and started the truck the check engine oil light came on. It only comes on when the oil level is almost down to nothing, so I knew I had to add oil ASAP. Truck is very big and I can’t easily reach into it to add anything, and the oil was in the bed out of reach. Hoping that our fix-it guy was at his shop, I drove the couple of miles there, and luck was with me. Or so I thought it was luck at the time.  He took care of the oil problem, and then I noticed a Class A outside his shop. It is a thing of beauty – a Monaco Windsor diesel pusher easily 40ft long. He has to fix the awning and the owner has it up for sale, having already bought a replacement. He showed me around and while not perfect it has our wants covered. Big fridge? Check. Washer/dryer? Check. It’s the same age as our truck – an ’01 – but in great condition. Only 100k miles. We have 3 times that on the truck. And the owner is asking $38k. The fiver I had my heart set on is $46k.

We aren’t wealthy. Putting my Social Security check towards the monthly payment, it will take us close to 4 years to pay it off. I hate borrowing money. I hate being in debt. But we have to have somewhere to live, and be able to get from job to job, and this coach will work very well for us. I had no intention of stopping by the shop that day, and without the goad of the engine oil light I wouldn’t have done so. And wouldn’t have seen the coach.  So, thanks for listening, guys! And thanks for the help!

Write What You Fear

I’ve just began to read Morgan Daimler’s books, based on a recommendation from a friend. So far they look very interesting. I’ve gotten one on the Morrigan, and I’m waiting for her book on Fairy Queens. I also got Fairy Witchcraft and FairyCraft.

Let me be honest -I’m afraid of the fae. Be they Sidhe or Ljossalfar, I’m scared to death of them. I once got on the wrong side of some by refusing to let them into my life and it took divine intervention to get rid of them. Approaching them appears to be clear insanity to me. Even considering it gives me chills and a shiver down the spine.

But I’m afraid of other things, too. I’m afraid of Lucifer, although I don’t have any conscious recollection of ever interacting with him, or even meeting him. It’s a carry over from Christianity, of course, and I’m trying to get away from it. There’s a serious dearth of solid information written about him by those not biased by Christianity, though, so it’s hard to come by anything to help my phobia.

I should be far more afraid of deities than I am, and I know that someday that’s going to bite me in the ass. I don’t know why I have such a nonchalant attitude towards something that can squish me like a bug, but I do. Reckless bravado, anyone?



Marshmallow Wicca

Wicca seems to be afraid of the Dark Goddess.

Oh, they give Her lip service. They talk about balance, and the need for Darkness and Light, but have you noticed that all their worship tends to the former and barely touches the latter?

They only acknowledge Her during this season. And then it’s mostly ancestor worship. The Wild Hunt slips by them with barely a glance into the sky.  And Dark Gods are equally shunned.

Still stuck in that Dark Is Bad mindset?

Balance would be recognizing both and not just the one. The Dark is with us all year, and so is Light.  Death happens in every season.

Wrapping Mary in a pentagram seems to be their idea of the Goddess. Marshmallow Wicca – soft, gooey, and too sweet to really get your teeth into. One dimensional deities.

‘My goddess would never become enraged!’ ‘My god would never mislead me!’ ‘My deities are always kind and good!’  Who the hell are you worshiping – SpongeBob Square Pants?



Stability versus Mutability

Our deities seem to be able to move with the times, change and learn, study us to see where we’re going so that they can relate to us.

I see it in the splinters of the deities who are attached to different persons. Each splinter seems to be crafted to suit the person’s maturity and concerns – a flighty person, a flighty splinter. A mature person, a mature splinter.

Wytch of the North calls hers ‘My Lord of Masks’, and talks about the deities swapping identities casually between themselves. Do they also swap offices? Realms of control? Has Ares ever swapped with Aphrodite, just for the education it would be?  Would Hermes and Apollon trade spheres of influence temporarily?

This kind of mutability is disturbing to most of us. We like stability. We like it so much that we’ll remain in a rut that’s harmful to us rather than risk changing. The idea that your god really isn’t your god, even when he IS your god, leaves us wondering about our terra really being firma.

I suspect this isn’t a problem with most because their contact with their deity isn’t on a basis where they’d really notice a difference. Most of us don’t have daily conversations with our deities. Most of us never hear their voice at all, and consider someone who has to be extremely fortunate, even if it was no more than a few words or a strong feeling. Most of us believe they are there, hope they are there, but we don’t KNOW that they are there. We don’t consciously work with our gods so we don’t notice.

But the few – ‘we few, we lucky few, we band of brothers’ – do notice and are often dismayed or confused by the sudden changes, whether it’s a change of name, a change of personality, or a change of any sort. Suddenly, we don’t know our own god, the god we’ve worked with for so long.  It’s got to be hard to accept. It’s got to make us question everything we knew.

And then there are those who never have to question because their deity never seems to change at all. Herne is always Herne. Loki is always Loki.  Ma’at is always Ma’at.  They work with the same face their entire lives.

One tries to understand, but perhaps understanding is beyond us. Perhaps we just have to accept, adapt, and overcome. Perhaps some of us have to learn to walk on earthquakes.



Can Gods be held accountable for their Actions?

I only ask because I’ve run across more than one person who claims to have been abused or raped by a god. So I’m wondering, just what recourse do mortals have when gods break all civility and morals?

Is there a pecking order in a pantheon? If Odin rapes one of Loki’s people, can Loki demand weregild? Or is Loki SOL as much as the mortal?

What recourse, if any, does a mortal have?

Then others have spoken of times when the deity they had been working with simply bows out so that a different deity can enter, whether the mortal agrees to it or not. And the retreating deity won’t interfere, even when the new deity is abusive and the mortal is asking for help. Is there a hierarchy amongst the deities that says one outranks others, and that one can do as it wills until or unless one who outranks him shows up?

Can you refuse to work with a deity who abuses you? Can you banish a deity? Will wards and shields keep him out? If that doesn’t work, what does?

And how do you heal from abuse when your religion actively promotes and worships the deity who abused/raped you?

Are we pagans as bad as Christians in this respect? Yahweh did some horrible things to a lot of people but Christians ignore all of that and claim that he’s a ‘loving’ god. If Odin is a rapist, how do Odinists or Heathens or whatever reconcile that with their view of him? Do they simply ignore his bad side? Pretend it doesn’t exist, the way Christians pretend? Try to destroy the victim because she’s saying something they don’t want to face up to?

I suppose the idea that gods can do anything they want, because they’re gods, and what happens to us doesn’t matter, but I’ve never believed that crap. It makes the deities nothing but parasites. And it shows them to be petty, cruel, arbitrary, and unable to learn. Not what I’d call worship material.  Is the only recourse we have to stop being pagan entirely? Switch over to another pantheon in hopes that the deities there are more respectful of mortals and better behaved?

I’ve never been physically assaulted or raped by a deity, but if I were I’d want vengeance bigtime. I would cut my ties with that pantheon and those people, because they are aiding and abetting the behavior of the deity who did it.  If a group turns a blind eye to the cruelty of a deity, if a group excuses that behavior as ‘a test’ or ‘you deserve it’ or ‘shaman sickness’ or whatever other bullshit excuse they can come up with, then they’re enabling the actions of a deity who doesn’t deserve worship.